Deep In The Struggle

Never Did

2010-04-12T06:06:00.000-07:00

(taken from postsecrets.com)

It's been 4 months and 8 days a draft message was created and saved in my account.Updating every 3 weeks and still waiting for the courage to send it to you.Sometimes i wish you do the things i did.

*I hold on tight to the promise i made.Maybe i'm stupid but i just can't seem to break it.*

Not been meeting the closest for awhile now.It feels different.It really does.

I dun see it as a privilege

2009-11-29T09:31:00.000-08:00

Something am not looking forward to.

It's been a week and i'm still not over it.
Going away in 2 days.
Been thinking of what we've planned to do once i'm back.
It'll be your first day and i was/suppose to be there with you.

When i saw you,i thought i've lost you.
It was scary as hell.
How i wish i could just stay and be here with you.
If anything were to happen,i'll never forgive myself.

I'm gonna miss yous.

Not in place.

2009-10-25T23:42:00.000-07:00

Taken from postsecret.blogspot

You're the only one
I talk to
Who really knows me
Tells me shows me
That it's enough
Sometimes
Just to be myself

I don't want nobody else
They don't understand
That I gave away my heart

Give me a reason to stay
Gotta get us back on track
Cause the worst thing is
Loving someone
Who doesn't love you back
I think you do
But I need you to say it

You see me as me.Not as who you wanted me to be.
You said it.But did you mean it?
I shouldn't have hoped.I let myself fall.

Okay i'm feeling super la-la right now.
-____-"

What if...what if...what if

2009-10-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

Unbelievably fun

All Smiles

Mak Bonda is also the birthday girl

We were gossiping all the way.NOKIA

I have so much to say to each and every one of you but when i held your hands,my mind goes blank.It really bothers me.stupid,i know.

You make me feel beautiful again.I've grown shorter with all my insecurities and what people say really does affect me.But things change when you come round.I'm growing back up and i'm not afraid to be myself.It's nice to know.:))

I watched too much movies that every little thing that happened or is happening to me gets a little bit scarier.I wanna wake up again.I have so many things to look forward to and i wanna do it without having anything bothering me.

Seattle Grace please.heh.

OH! And Happy Advance Birthday Noridayu Roslan. :))

Everything's back to being beautiful again

2009-10-01T01:05:00.000-07:00

Misunderstood.
Misjudged.

Things were kinda shitty for awhile.But is all good now.
As a matter of fact,its so much better than before.
I'm exhausted.I managed to pull myself through this week.
All thanks to the beautiful nights i had.

After 3 years we're still here.For each other.
I miss Alif Alwee Abdullah.

ps: I had your back.
*shame on you if you fool me once,shame on me if you fool me twice.*

Where do i begin?

2009-09-21T23:07:00.000-07:00

Things was easier when its just us.

I wasn't there when you left.Some may think that it's nothing for me.
But the thing that they didn't know was you did meant a whole lot.
You made it possible for ALL to be there on the first day.
You made me feel like i actually am a part of it.You stood up for me.
Everytime i hear them talk,u'd come up to me and say they dun mean a thing.
I dun really believe you when it comes to that but you made it easier for me to ignore all the bad things.

I miss you.I really do.
I can still feel your presence around me sometimes.

You say everything will turn out all okay.
No,it doesn't.I dun need you to make me feel better.
I need your help in guiding me to be a better person.

Too often the thing i want most is the one thing i can't have.

You dun get to call it.

2009-09-13T02:46:00.000-07:00

Something i do not wanna deal with ever again.
This is one of those lala moments.
It has to stop cause it's slowly eating up my insides.
not literally of course.-_-

If you wanna be my friend,you're welcome to stay.
But if you have doubts,i'll say just leave and never come back.
You don't get to choose as and when you wanna come and leave EVERYTIME.
Once you're in,you're in.
If you decide to continue being this way,then so be it.
I'll never wanna know about you.

ps : There's no talking to you.
Its not like you gonna hear me out.
I know when not to take less than i deserve.

Just A Phase.

2009-09-10T00:52:00.000-07:00

Turned to,called and meet only cause
you're in need.

We learnt that people have friends.
True.
So what happens to those left behind?
Are they suppose to just wait till THE FRIEND comes back cause they have noone at the time and go again after?

Dissapointment

2008-09-11T02:00:00.000-07:00

You were one of my closest.
Treasured too.
Spent almost everyday together.
Now,you keep a distance.
It's been a week.
Questions came to mind.
All unanswered.
There's no talking to you.
I'm not the world to you.
Neither do you care.
You once open up and share.
Now totally different.
You're making me think.
Are you really my friend?
Or just someone who comes and go?
I believe you are my friend but at the time.

Un-Expected

2008-01-09T12:09:00.000-08:00

First time blogging for me.
Been having quite a time right now.
Decided to create this blog to let it all out.
The 3 remained together no matter what happened.
Don't wanna get too involved.
You've been sucha dissapointment and a pain in the ass lately.
Questions left un-answered.
K.s babies missed.